useless 0x20

Moving sites

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 03:55:18 GMT

To http://useless0x20.teleri.net/

Boring I know.

Hot new investment opportunity

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 01:11:03 GMT

(wd) I've got a killer business plan
(wd) I'm writing a cellphone SDK based on J2ME
(wd) and I'm going to give it away including source for free
(wd) and take over the cellphone market
(wd) I figure I'm going to make a ton of money by advertising to users on the phone when they um
(wd) use the web browser or whatever
(wd) I mean, I'm not going to charge for anything obviously
(wd) oh also
(wd) I've set aside a bunch of money to give to people to write java apps
(wd) I don't get those, or anything
(wd) like I have no ownership
(wd) I'm just going to hand out the bucks
(wd) so uh
(wd) I urge everyone to invest in me
(wd) really
(wd) 'cause I'm totally going to make a bunch of.. advertising money or something?

I'm late in posting this

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 02:04:51 GMT

But I just want to be really clear here. I'm interested in promoting a new term in our wonderful lexicon. This is really simple:

Dumbledore = Homosexual

I'm not saying it's pejorative (or that it isn't). I mean, lots of folks LIKE Dumbledore. I thought he was pretty alright myself (though his sexual leanings meant 0 to me). I'm just saying... that bar down the street where girls instinctively DON'T go.. that's a Dumbledore bar. In fact, it would be kind of awesome for someone to open a gay bar CALLED "Dumbledore's."

Rock over London, rock on Chicago.

Cat Scratch Fever

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 23:04:30 GMT

One of my cats made a pretty respectable scratch on my arm. Here's a shot of the scratch and the cat what did it (who was busy making and receiving cellular calls at the time):

You actually can't see the whole scratch because I couldn't get a good angle. It extends a bit further around my arm. Itches like a motherfucker right now.

Horses

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 21:45:39 GMT

Randomly found this article about the weirdest condoms in Japan. The far and away winner was definitely their #1. A box of condoms with a fucking horse on it. A horse. I was laughing for a fair amount of time at this.

Beware the horsecock.

Oh dear, intolerance on teh internets

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 06:27:47 GMT

(wd) hay neat
(wd) black 360 comes with an HDMI cable
(Jugernaut) it probably stole the cable
(Jugernaut) from a white 360

Jerry Orbach continues to rule from beyond the grave

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 03:27:19 GMT

Apparently NYC is naming a street "Jerry Orbach Way". Freaking awesome.

Somebody named a drink after one of my cats

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 19:25:47 GMT

"Wouldn't you rather work at Google?"

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 09:46:36 GMT

When people hear that I work on Live Search they sometimes ask me this. I can truthfully say "no." There are a variety of reasons for this, some reflect my personal motives and others reflect my experience with the big G. It turns out I interviewed at Google, and I'll get in to that below. The gist of it is just that they aren't compelling to me in the way that Microsoft is. Here's what happened, and here's why:

1) Google's interview process was terrible! Just shamefully bad! Let's start at the beginning....

They asked if I wanted an SRE job. I was bailing from my previous deteriorating group along with a few other folks, so I said "sure, let's interview." Google's reputation for being awesome is pervasive, and I wasn't going to pass up an interview for allegiance to Microsoft (they've been good to me, don't get me wrong, but IT is a cut-throat world).

Then they found out I wasn't moving to Mountain View. Just bought a condo here, hell if I'm moving. Okay, fine. So the recruiter suggests to me that I could be an "IT Admin" for their corporate windows shit in Kirkland. I was livid. Nowhere on my resume does it suggest that I am an IT admin. It's not my bag, and (with some hubris) I'm just better than that. Technically better, I don't have the chops to put up with the headaches IT admins go through either. Those guys are heroes in a different vein than me. All the same, my reaction was "I'm a little too smart to be doing desktop repairs at your office." Some nutsack there saw "Windows" in my resume though and decided otherwise.

I corrected them gently, and so they set me up for an SRE (Systems Reliability Engineer, basically the same job I was doing at MS) interview process. Okay, great! On to why the interview sucked.

The phone screens were about what I'd expect ("rattle off some technical knowledge to prove you aren't a resume padder"). The fact that I had a 30 minute long "recruiter screen" followed by two hour-long tech screens seemed excessive, but hey, everyone's banging down their doors I guess (turns out this is becoming less and less true, but I digress...).

Here's where it gets stupid. First off, the interview process there consists of me sitting in a conference room while different people rotate in and ask me questions. The people were friendly enough, the atmosphere seemed about as laid back and cool as Microsoft (but not more so). The lack of offices, and use of cubes, was a bit disturbing but I think my office at Microsoft is a rare commodity in the tech world. However, all that said, I was so unbelievably unimpressed and irritated throughout that day that I would not even consider talking to these people unless I was assured of MASSIVE changes in their interview process.

To start with, they managed to ask me repeat questions from BOTH phone screens. They had a sheet full of questions and people would come in and pick a question and ask it. People whined (in front of me!) about how their "favorite question" had already been taken.

And the questions! They were unbelievably idiotic! "Name all the members of an inode structure." Not like, name the most relevant (mtime/ctime/atime/size in blocks/etc). They kept pressing me for stuff that became more and more niche. Eventually I just said "uh, I think at this point I'd Google it." Perhaps that was a bad answer, but it was a tedious question that had nothing to do with my technical merits. Remember, jobs like these aren't about what you've memorized, but how you apply your technical chops.

Anyway, after a litany of questions, punctuated by mediocre food (about as good as the crap we get at MS, except free) I was free to go. And I left, and basically decided right then and there that Google wasn't for me. Forget that they were unwilling to meet my reasonable compensation numbers, the company itself is just not for me.

2) One more thing I found out during the interview is that their promotion process is based entirely on peer feedback. In the current Google world that probably works well. The money flows, people are amicable, and it doesn't matter that your manager has 49 other direct reports and barely knows who you are. But I had to ask them, "what happens if the money stops, if things stop being friendly here and promotions turn into a cut-throat game of politics? What is your strategy?" Blank stares. Sorry guys, as cool and hip as it is that your org chart is flat and wide, I like a world where my manager knows who I am and has 1:1 meetings with me weekly to discuss MY career and MY growth. I like that s/he will be incentivized based on my satisfaction, based on my growth. A world where I have to play games and get buddy-buddy with folks to get promotions is not for me. In fact, I think it's going to cause ENORMOUS problems at Google when the spigot gets turned off.

3) Maybe I'm crazy, but their business seems questionable. 99%+ of their revenue comes from ads served either by AdSense or ads served by their search engine. Unfortunately, much less than 99% of their company works on these products. They're pouring money into stuff like YouTube with no or negative ROI. Eventually that's going to catch up, shareholders will get mad, and the situation in #2 is going to be reality. I don't want to be in a place like that. Is Microsoft a one-trick pony? Some would argue yes, I'll argue no. We make money in Search, servers, client OS, desktop productivity, and a variety of other places. Sure, our devices section is struggling, but that's *it*. We're a hell of a lot more diversified, and we've already managed our ridiculous growth and money binge period.

4) Speaking of ridiculous growth, Google's hiring is insanely ambitious. They will probably top 20,000 employees within the next year. They had less than 10,000 only a year ago. They're doubling and re-doubling in size. Refer to #2 again. :)

5) Working for the underdog is kind of fun. We're in the game to grow, not sustain. We're shooting for enormous gains, not incremental jumps. This would be fun no matter where I was, of course, and it's very low on the decision-making tree for me -- but it's still really cool.

i told u i was hardocre

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 10:09:58 GMT

Preface: check this out.

Back? Super. I hope you read some of the brain-boilingly idiotic commentary too.

Really now. There is apparently some severe whining going on about how "gamers aren't Nintendo's audience anymore." Apparently, since people who aren't ultradorks like me like the DS and Wii, Nintendo has "given up" on the "hardcore audience" (or just "gamers" if you like). You know, they've abandoned us all, doomed us to a world of simplistic games which don't require effort/foreknowledge to get in to. There are no alternatives available! The love in the world for simple, accessible, engaging games is brand fucking new. Nobody was providing a platform for people to enjoy this stuff before, right? Curse those dogs at Nintendo for making a system that's fun and compelling for people who don't know what the fucking Konami code is.

Honest to god, get over yourselves. So some dipshit from Variety doesn't get Metroid. So what? You're acting like a bunch of fucking crybabies. It's the reaction I'd expect from a gaggle of 15 year olds who found out their parents were (*gasp*) listening to Dashboard Confessional and watching the OC. Video games are not your secret retarded world, and you ought to stop pissing and moaning because a company is cracking into a broader market. Headsup clownshoes, the first commercially viable game was also accessible and popular with a wide audience. Quit your bellyaching and either enjoy the Wii or don't. I defy anyone to tell me that when Wii Sports landed a majority of you "hardcore gamers" didn't think it was pretty fucking cool. Is it still fun and compelling now? Well, actually, yeah. Plonk me down in front of Wii Tennis and I'll blow through an hour before I know what hit me.

It seems to me that people want games to be defined by difficulty and inaccessibility. Like there's some delicate balance of what is, in essence, crappiness, that must be met for a game to be good. If it doesn't require moronic button combinations and can't generate 500k of fecal matter on GameFAQs it's not a good game. It's a bunch of bullshit and you know it. The best games, the most popular, are always the most accessible. They're games that are challenging but not backbreaking, rewarding without requiring deep investment. It's the same reason WoW trumps other MMOs. WoW is easier, faster, doesn't require the same level of investment. People really like that. Shit, I don't even play WoW, but in terms of sheer numbers nobody can argue that it isn't the best MMO ever released. Why? Because unlike some other games it doesn't bust your balls from the moment you start and punish you for not reading the manual and knowing what the fuck DPS is and why you should care. It has a gentle learning curve, all the way up to the ultradork endgame space.

So yeah, quit your bitching, shut up, and enjoy the broader selection available in gaming today. If you don't like those "pussy non hardcore games" then don't buy them or play them. If it makes a system non-viable for you, then don't buy it. But I think you might be missing out on some awesome games.

Trolling 2.0

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 00:16:08 GMT

(wd) [05:08PM] [operwall/wd]: what's a face book?
(wd) if there's web 2.0
(wd) can I coin "trolling 2.0"?
(semi) maybe
(semi) i still question the legitimacy of web2.0
(wd) sure
(semi) so trolling2.0 better just be trolling with absolutely nothing new.
(wd) but putting that issue aside
(wd) right, definitely
(wd) well trolling2.0 will use "web 2.0" sites
(wd) and video embedded in flash
(wd) and other stuff
(wd) stuff that wasn't new when web2.0 was "released"
(wd) but was called new

....

(semi) ^Ash: someone should hijack it and bring back goatse.cx, but with ajax.
(semi) instead of links to the giver, you could use a mouseover and XMLHTTPRequest

(wd) sir that is just the beginning

(wd) I would write a maps mashup to provide driving directions between diarrhea droplets in tubgirl

Shameless plug

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 02:16:43 GMT

I am trying out this (Windows) Live Writer software for blogging. It's nice. The WYSIWYG bit is not far from the truth (not per se perfect but it's really not bad). It's got some neat plugin gack and all the stuff you expect from a rich client (like not sucking as hard as somebody's retarded text input field). I don't want to be "that guy" but AJAX really, really, really sucks. It is not a worthwhile tool for writing true applications and there are just things you can't do with it. Go on, call me when those vaunted Google apps have a 10th of the capabilities their client-side variants have on any OS. Really, honestly, AJAX sucks.

And I don't want to hear about how end-users only need 10%. If you really only need that much why are you using a spreadsheet or a word processor? Whip out a text editor and call it done, since you're basically just throwing text around in an unstructured manner. Seriously.

In other news we have a big release coming soon. I can't talk about dates or features (I do have a feature in it, very small, but it's my feature). I am extremely excited. I feel like we are taking a huge leap forward with this release and I do wish I could talk about all the reasons I think it's awesome. I had mixed feelings moving into Search Development here at Microsoft. It's a good career choice for me personally, the work is fascinating, and my coworkers are all unfathomably more intelligent than I am. But all that said, when I started I was definitely a little worried. Would we be able to mount a (legitimate) push on the market? Become a relevant player? I have had much more visibility into what we have coming since then and I'm really amazed. The effort made on our team, the work we're doing, it's absolutely fucking amazing.

I hope that having a real client to write this stuff will make me feel more inclined to blog than I used to. So often I think I would like to write a post about something, have a half-built post in my head, and I just kinda don't do it. Perhaps I can get more diligent about this in the future.

I leave you with the following video. This song (perhaps not the chart) will be in Guitar Hero III. For that reason alone I will buy that game, despite being much more interested in Rock Band.

New job, everything else is boring

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 03:43:18 GMT

I ditched the previous sinking ship and boarded a new one, still afloat, potentially still running with power. That is, I moved from Search Operations to Search Development. I suspect that being a developer at Microsoft will end up a bit like suddenly not being the minority in a room. That is, I think developers are treated better here than non-developers. :)

I've been painting my condo. I will post some before/after pics at some point in the nearish future.

hate work

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 10:54:51 GMT

I thought Microsoft was a different place, for some reason. I really bought into all the open and honest integrity stuff. I thought people actually gave a shit at MSFT. I was so wrong it's not even funny.

It's just like everywhere else. Liars get ahead on the hard work of the honest, and the honest are punished for honesty. The executives are so busy jacking each other off in glee at their millions of dollars in salary and stock that they let their entire organizations fall apart without doing anything, or actively destroy them in the pursuit of a better bonus.

Every exec is so busy worrying about how to get themselves ahead that they just don't give a shit about anyone below them. Caring about the people who work for you only gets you in trouble with your management or peers. Being a human being is not welcome at Microsoft.

Think your company is better? It isn't. I've never seen a company that didn't operate in this fundamental manner. Liars and cheaters advance, honesty is unwelcome. Nobody cares about you, the company would just as soon see you replaced with cheaper labor that was easier to bully.

I thought it would be different here. I believed all the rhetoric about how Microsoft was a good place to work, an honest company where values are.. well.. valued. What a load of horseshit. It's just like everywhere else, a cesspool of dishonesty and short-sightedness.

I should start a company...

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 12:09:52 GMT

(wd) "One Tree Hill" (2 episodes, 2006)
(wd) - I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness (2006) TV Episode
(wd) - I've Got Dreams to Remember (2006) TV Episode
(wd) could we emo those up a little more?
(wd) my wrists aren't scarring of their own accord yet
(wd) if I was more dedicated
(wd) I could write scathing blog articles about bullshit
(wd) with fantastic witicisms like that
(wd) nobody would read them, but then I would enable comments
(wd) and people would argue about video game consoles in them
(wd) fame: manifest
(wd) I mean, that's how you get famous on the interzone right?
(MadHack-) that or by taking off your clothes
(MadHack-) please stick to the blog

Panic Room

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 00:31:52 GMT

I'm taking a week off around Thanksgiving. Folks coming in from out of town. The day after that vacation is over I'm giving a two hour presentation. I just sent out the invitation to my group (100 people or so I think). 15 or so ACKs in the first ten minutes, including my boss' boss' boss (boss+3 if you will).

I'm already worried. :(

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 09:02:49 GMT

This video is one of the most depressing things I've ever seen. The voting situation in this country is completely out of hand.

We're supposed to have computers to make our lives easier. We're supposed to be using technology to reduce error. How the fuck are we going to reduce error by hiding the code that runs our elections, masking the process, keeping it secret and in the control of private organizations?

I don't mind closed source, I don't mind private industry. What I mind is private industry controlling the way I elect my government. This is obscene.

If your primary skill is writing policy/procedure docs...

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 03:47:52 GMT

Go work for the fucking government and get the FUCK out of the internet business. Your bullshit is not welcome here. We're at the fucking BLEEDING EDGE OF TECHNOLOGY, not the end of a DMV line.

People are not going to continue to wait for delivery of goods because your policies slowed everyone down. They will go to a company that ISN'T mired in policy for the sake of policy.

Innovation never comes from the government. Ever wonder why? If you can't innovate go fucking work there, they'll love your 30 page BRDs with two pages of useful information.

Best Buy doesn't suck

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 09:03:18 GMT

Last THursday I went to 'el premero buyo' (best buy) to get a new digital camera. My old one is a bulky piece of shit 2.1 megapixel vinyl-era hunk of junk. Also, I have NO IDEA where it is. So I picked up a Canon PowerShot SD 630 Digital Elph (jesus that's a long name). Well, I thought I did. Mer and I went to get some dinner, get home, unpack said camera... and there's no fucking camera in the box.

I'm sitting there thinking "fuck, they're never going to believe this, it's going to take FOREVER to get a camera of my money back." I mean... if I walked into a store with a box saying "hey sup the expensive thing isn't in this box gimme a new one" I would understand a little ... mistrust. However, that's basically what I did the next day. A couple of managers walked over, everyone was friendly/non accusatory/etc. I explained the situation, told them I knew it was weird, but that I had a great purchase history at Best Buy (and believe me, I have a GREAT purchase history at Best Buy. :D). They said they'd call me, Monday at the latest, as soon as they got to the bottom of things.

Okay, so, waited the weekend. Nothing. Monday afternoon rolls around and I got a bit antsy so I called 'em up. CSR took my call, said the night manager'd call me back in a couple horus. About 15 minutes later (... weird) I got a call from a manager there saying to come in, pick up my replacement.

I'm thinking "wow, holy shit." Either this is a clever way to lure me in and arrest me for fraud or BB is being cool about this. So I came in, went to the Customer Service desk. Long story short, about ten minutes later I walked out with my replacement camera new and intact. Works great, and Best Buy resolved a sticky situation extremely well. I've never had a bad experience at Best Buy and they maintain that record. Kudos to their folks for handling this well.

Too bad Circuit City still blows. :(

whoa

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 22:54:35 GMT

Got my new Dell PC yesterday (Core 2 Duo, 4GB RAM, bunch 'o disk and some other stuff). That was neat, once I removed all the fucking Dell asshattery off the machine (clean reinstall, kthx). But... today... I got my 30" Dell monitor. Thirty freaking inches of monitor. If I wasn't feeling sick as shit I'd probably be jumping up and down. THis thing is amazing. It's bright, clear, colorful. THere isn't a miscolored patch anywhere on the thing. It runs at 2560x1600, or "higher than normal HD resolution." In short: beautiful.

Now if I can get over this fucking cold and actually enjoy the thing, it'll be great. :)

<3 dragonforce

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 11:06:26 GMT

In episode 1 of what should be a multi-part extravaganza of shit I forgot to notify folks about, it turns out that I really love this new Dragonforce album. It is full of solos, vocals that don't sound like they came from a swamp thing, and is generally a lot of fun. I'm not sure "fun" and "metal" are supposed to mix but, well.. there you have it, they do.

In other "fun metal" news I'm going to see Blind Guardian in November. I somehow talked Meredith into going with me, so this should be an entertaining experience on two levels. I did cut off all my awesome metal hair but even so it should still be headbanging fun.

coming soon...

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 10:44:01 GMT

I'm not posting enough (at all)...

I hope to rectify the situation soon.

Holy fucking shit

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 13:51:49 GMT

6AM and I'm VPNed to work (shocker). I'm using the released vista B2 at home. It is a wild improvement over both B1 and B2CTP. I would recommend it for anyone curious about the new OS. Anyway, the point of this is that Vista adds some great new features. Here is the "holy fucking shit" feature:

I VPNed to work and my existing SSH session didn't terminate. I can even move around my local LAN. This is in-fucking-credible. I know it's one of those simple things that has worked in $EVERY_OTHER_OS since the dawn of time, but since those don't run my VPN client that's not very meaningful to me. What IS meaningful is that for once Windows hasn't urinated down the collective throat of my existing internet presence just because I had to jump onto the work net to accomplish something.

It is a joyous day.

Thank god for crazy christians

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 06:48:12 GMT

According to this some crazy-as-fuck Catholic guy has decided that it's an awesome idea to start a town where strict Catholic doctrine is the law. This is probably illegal, but notwithstanding, it's also very boring. No pornography, no birth control, probably no awesome bloodbath movies either. A town full of fucking pussies.

The town and the university, developed in partnership with the Barron Collier Co., an agricultural and real estate business, will be set on 5,000 acres with a European-inspired town center, a massive church and what planners call the largest crucifix in the nation, at nearly 65 feet tall. Monaghan envisions 11,000 homes and 20,000 residents.

(emphasis mine)

At least we'll have a defense against the assault of a 50 foot zombie Jesus.

Fucking hilarious

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 05:05:45 GMT